Oh Shit – Under the Thunderbra

Tonight’s special guest Zen Master of Doom and the guy from the Twillight Zone – No, not that Twillight you emo dumbshits.

“Do not bring sticks to the machine gun fight.”

There’s enough blood in these bodies to destroy a small car.

School Girl Outfits: Waiting for the hentai monster.

Josh: “Somebody kill that broad; she’s way too happy.”

“Little brother wants to keep it all in the family.”

As you will discover, even going to buy a video game is a dangerous proposition in… the Cheesy Zone.

These kids are about to make their sacrifices to the Hair gel gods.

“What happened to your face?” “Parked car.”

“People need to die soon.” “This is the backstory, you know this, Jeremy.” “I don’t care, I want someone to die!”

There’s that thing again. You know, Angelina Jolie?

“That star might become important later. Money?” “Sucker’s bet.”

They are ninjas; that ups the ante a bit.

“You must drink blood to really become my son.” Pause. Pause again. “What?”

Right there was the line, two foot wide, flashing neon, and they hit ludicrous speed as they crossed it. Didn’t even blink.

Another hint. Again.

“I know a way to quiet her down.” “Tentacles.”

“It only takes a bad day to drive the sanest person down to my level.” This is that day for Miku.

There aren’t as much lines, as mile markers.

Zen Master of Doom: “Man who takes too long to take off bra never get any nookie.”

Hidden Baddass.

“Bad guy who doesn’t gloat. Who knew that they existed? I thought they were as extinct as the Power Rangers.”

The incest bond: she knew her “Significant Other” was dead.

In the Cheesy Zone, gravity works sporaditically.

His blood should be spraying out. Fat kid was lacking blood. Doesn’t even make us blink.

“I know someone murdered them: my brother/husband told me from the dead.”

“Wilson, that’s where you went to. Spying on the cute Japanese girl. High five!”

My god, this house is full of full of crazy people; even the mom is involved in the insanity.

“It’s hentai!”

There’s an on-switch to blood pressure in this universe.

If you ever want to scare a virgin male into staying that way, show them this movie. The women are a terrifying blend of insane and smart.

The father rates a 6 1/2 on the Carradine scale.

Knife stabs happen at the speed of plot.

Finger fetish. The blood-spurt is like a snow-blowing machine.

… Wow. The arm cut off by accident. Really?

She stumped him.

“I can’t stop thinking of Toshi.” “Just bang her and get another one.” “Yeah, kids are replaceable.”

“Someone is going to kill the annoying schoolgirl.” “Yay!” Josh got his wish.

Hey, there goes another mile marker: “It’s not every day you get to do a college girl.” With a sword in her head.

Yes! Another fine example of quantum exposition.

Hot Yoda chick.

They did a Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers moment. That was more horrifying than raping the dead college girl. The explanation: we have no defense against the PR pose. We were waiting for the rape for a long while; everything about that rape was stealthy, well, except for the sword sticking out of the head.

He was really excited the wire went in. As Josh would like to point out, compatible parts make people happy. Too bad he died… wait, blood shooting from his ass?

She strokes it lovingly. It has a vibrate mode.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! They didn’t recycle correctly. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!”

She’s suffering from a single cut, or is it a rape dream?

My response to the quasi-lesbian scene: “Suck my face, you crazy fool.”

“Suck, suck, fuck, fuck… Goddamit you cockteases!!!”

“You nailed me.”

The Japanese Thelma and Louis.

The craziness spreads.

Literally, nailing someone’s face.

“They’re at Ichinooku’s Shrine.” “Really?” Like that’s the most questionable thing you’ve heard or seen the entire time.

Josh keeps thinking: She’s fisting that machine gun.

The B-Team.

In the Cheesy Zone, the density of the air is not constant

Bruce Campbell is the God of this movie.

“Why wasn’t there blood on the front of the sword? Oh, reverse blood flow.”

There’s the tentacle we’ve been waiting for, tearing her clothes off one swipe at a time.

“A Reverse Campbell! Wait, is that a Reverse Campbell?” “No, no, that’s a Grindhouse.”

The Drill Bra: The kids that were being held hostage: “I might die here in the next few minutes, but I have a boner.”

That and the fact that the the protagonist heard about it: “It can’t be.” Where the fuck did she hear of this? What the hell sort of catalog has she been browsing?

One Response to “Oh Shit – Under the Thunderbra”

  1. […] Josh and I watched Machine Girl this evening. When the movie started, I could tell it was going to be a gloriously terrible movie, but even I was left speechless to the depths that this movie went. I just can’t think of any one moment that didn’t rate at least a 5 on the WTF? scale (with 1 being “Who ate all of my Wheaties?” The WTF scale has no upper boundaries, because the world will find new ways to fuck with your head.) We came up with some t-shirt worthy lines though, so I hope you enjoy. […]

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