Oh Shit – Hell or High Water – Josh’s Revenge

Oh Shit – Hell or High Water – Josh’s Revenge
This is Jeremy’s time to suffer, as he has to watch this movie a second time. I actually hope it is as bad as I remember it.
Psalm’s – should be written on a paddle.
God got tired of the bullshit. Considering he let this movie be made, I don’t blame him.
Looking around, looking around minimum wage job… This guy has his prioties staight, cut off wings, drop through window, beat up asian guy, go to first aid kit, get a shit load of guns… Except for the wings, it’s a natural line of action.
A hole in the shape of a chubby cross… Fat Jesus.
Female Jesus’s mom was a MILF. And Jesus is going to be fucked up, as her mom is already talking about abandoning her.
We’re going to have the full angst rainbow…
At the end of the world, there is no cell phone coverage. It’s the IPhone-acolypse!
Magic map, one moment there was nothing, and then lower the map and there was the diner.
Pregnant woman like chocolate… penises.
Everyone at this diner hates everyone else. Going to be a fun apocalypse.
Woobies are fucking annoying… Whine, bitch, bitch, my life sucks.
In the middle of nowhere the storm approaches… From both sides… the diner is going to get gangbanged.
The Apocalypse came in using a walker. “I said that your baby is going to fucking burn.,..” Aunt Edi just earned Hellpoints. Literally.
The cook saved the day… Immediate threw the frying pan. Justified use of frying pan. Braylon would be proud.
The Woobie couldn’t pull the trigger, to be saved by the Chocolate Rain. That was a big fucking gun. This woobie is more annoying than most.
Help arrives. Beware: he beats up ethnic people.
This movie is all about escalation.
Dear god no, anything but that: the Ice cream man of doom. The Zen Master of Doom approves.
“Be careful or you’ll blow your hand off.” “What the fuck are you looking at me for?” asks the man with one hand. (And the true star of the movie.)
The Jello People have come to destroy you.
Josh: Where’s the rocket launcher? (As the character reaches for it.)
They have cheat modes for ammunition.
Waiting for the woobie to pop his cherry; he has to kill someone eventually. Fucking wuss.
“You need to start talkin’.” “You’re fucked.”
A lull waiting for the next escalation.
The frycook is the voice of reason. He traded his hand for logic. Too bad he didn’t he didn’t trade it in for better pacing.
Steak, beers, and cigarettes: the true way to celebrate the end of the world.
Josh: God losing faith before an angel is kind of funny.
We’ve hit the drama accelerator. Heart-touching to “You have given me hope for mankind!”
“Not the cook! How am I supposed to get pancakes?! Who is going to throw the frying.”
The mother has gone over the edge. She would be better off vampire -Josh: ahem- Angel food.
“Are you OK?” “No, but the way you choked back there, you aren’t either.”
Jeremy: Wait, the Woobie grew a penis Josh: And a set of balls to match.
There’s the violence escalation again. Even the gun fight escalated. Two machine guns at the same time, not awesome enough. *procedes to beat faces in*
“Pull!” *Throws child into gunfire* And the Woobie lost his cherry! And we cheered!
The Woobie made us cheer again with the baby-save!
“What the fuck was that lady with a bag over her head?” “She was a three-bagger banging on the car.”
This fight would only be improved by the Frying Pan of Justice. Although the Mace is properly awesome.
The baby shouldn’t have survived that, but he is miraculous!
Unsatisfactory ending. Too many unexplained plotlines. Pacing was attrocious. And he killed off the only character that we liked. It was almost good.
It was like being promised a threesome with hot twins, and you only get one. And she’s the ugly one.
(editor’s note: Josh did most of heavy lifting on this one. I was only good for my typing skills.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: