Evil Dead – The Adventure

Evil Dead, the Adventure
Co-written by Josh (his concept, I think… But you can see my evil influence.)

It’s a Friday night, and you have nothing to do. You flip through the phone book and find a listing “Creepy old cabins: perfect for necking and burying the bodies afterwards”; it’s right next to the Pizza listings.

1) You order out pizza, and stay home and get drunk.
2) You follow the directions to the creepy old place, picking a random assortment of victims, err… “friends.”
3) Play pin the “Tail on the Donkey” without a poster or a pin (Eightball included)

You chose 2) Congratulations, you just chose a series of events that led to your possession, death and dismemberment, and general discomfort. Oops, can’t forget insanity.

So you get out to the cabin, feeling in a good mood, you have more women than men (good job on that by the way… too bad you didn’t stay home… hell, even the Eightball would have been a better decision.) You’re settling down in, and everyone is getting the groove on, you get up for some champagne, and you find a book bound in a human flesh, and beside it a recording.

1) “Fuck, who cares? I’m about to get laid.”
2) Play the recording, and don’t stop the recording when it says the words “undead” and “Demons” blah blah blah…
3) “You know, that Eightball is sounding really good right now. Did I bring it?”

You chose 2) Congratulations you have chosen letting the Undead to crash your party. You shouldn’t be surprised that your life is fucked. Yeah, there’s nothing more you can do except for make it worse. Have a nice life.

After hearing the annoying, but slightly more observant, party member scream/complain about your music choice, “Turn it off!”

1) Listen to that tingling sensation in your spine, turn off the recording, and leave.
2) Go to bed, make out (gotta love those old scary stories for making a girl hot,) and/or go out for a midnight romp in the forest. Or all of the above.
3) “Huh, where did I put the Eightball, again?”

You chose 2) Congratulations, your midnight romp in the forest became a midnight romp WITH the forest. You’ll be enjoying the loving embrace of Mr. Wood. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt for long. By the way, if you were curious, option 3) would eliminate any pain. As for option 1) Well… nevermind.

You poor, poor bastards. That chick that has had her field plowed… well… uhm… err… Huh, how do we put this? You know, I don’t think there is any good way to put this. Her body has become a time share… except that she only gets it for five minutes on the weekend, and this is Monday.

1) Listen to the Zen Master… OF DOOM! Ahem: Axe in the hand is worth two demons in the bush. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge: behead the bitch. I figured that you needed the elaboration.
2) Throw her into the cellar, where she’s more likely to terrorize/kill someone in the very near future.
3) “No, seriously, where’s the Eightball?”

At this point, do we need to point out which one you chose? Do we??? Yeah. Option 2). Go fucking figure.

Everyone becomes a zombie in the course of 5 minutes, except for you… you poor, poor bastard. That’s because God hates you now, because you didn’t choose the Eightball.

1) Kill everyone.
2) Kill everyone.
3) “I found the Eightball.”

Well. Even though you chose the right option. OK, you didn’t have an option, because, you passed on option 3 FOUR TIMES. So you go on a rampage, axe in hand. Hope to God the cops don’t show up, because boy, you look more guilty than OJ (he at least had the common sense to clean up after himself… you know the blood on your face?)

Unfortunate for you, but unsurprising considering your recent string of luck and bad decision making, your hand has become infected by a demon.
1) Cut off your hand.
2) Let the hand gouge out your eyeballs.
3) “Dude, that Eightball rocks! Look at what my hand can do!”

Whoa. You actually chose 1) but this means you cut off your hand. That sucks. High five! Oops, missed. Uh, don’t look at me that way.

To be continued…

One Response to “Evil Dead – The Adventure”

  1. […] AboutOh Shit and EntertainmentOh Shit – ArchiveOh Shit – Scorpion King squared!Evil Dead – The Adventure « Good […]

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