Archive for the Truth Category

I need to think happy thoughts

Posted in Fuck this shit, Politics, Truth on March 13, 2016 by brenatevi

After a certain point, I just need to come to terms with the fact that our nation is falling apart, and is not going to get better any time soon. It isn’t in our leaders’ best interest to have a functional nation, because if our nation works, then how can they blame the other party for how fucked up our nation is? So instead they keep the nation fucked up, preying on ignorant people’s fear and anger over how our nation is fucked up, and riding that to power.

The real tragedy in all of this is that Congress is painting itself into a corner with this gridlock; by refusing to do any work, people are increasingly going to see Congress as irrelevant, and they are going expect the President to take action, sidelining them even further. The endgame here is the American Empire. Congratulations America!


Thanks Republicans for nothing

Posted in Fuck this shit, Politics, Truth on March 12, 2016 by brenatevi

I have lots of words about the hypocritical stance Republicans are taking. Blaming liberals for the hatred aimed at Trump? It would be laughable if it wasn’t so fucking tragic. They laid the groundwork for this by standing by and nodding as he spewed out tons of hatred. They refused to condemn him even as he fomented hatred. They did nothing as he told his supporters to abuse people that disagreed with him.

As for the media? If every Republican had stood on the stage and condemned Trump for his actions, then the media would have had to pay attention, but instead they hoped to take advantage of the anger, hoping to ride his coattails to the White House. And now we are where we are, and finally they woke the fuck up to the oncoming train wreck that is Donald Trump. Thanks a whole fucking lot Republicans. You are about to reap what you sow, and the United States is going to pay.

Sick and hating it, but still thinking…

Posted in Truth with tags , , on October 28, 2011 by brenatevi

I spent the last two weeks on the edges of being sick. Coughing, hacking, sneezing, and being generally miserable. My version of Hell has become mucus, and I’m living that nightmare. (It actually started with my head becoming a snott firework factory… that morning I woke up to an explosion of mucus.) So I had two good sleeps and then this shit.

That isn’t to say that I haven’t been thinking and plotting things creative, just haven’t had the energy nor the time to put thought to keyboard. (5 nights of work, 3 days off, 6 nights of work, and then sick as a dog my nights off.) I’ll somehow make time to get some ideas out there.

One thing I really need to get out of my head is “What is art?” Because I think I figured it out: it isn’t the object, but the conversation about the object. Proof: I have a lost Rembrandt in my attic that noone, not even me, has seen. Is it art? Why? A person might bring up that because it’s made by Rembrandt, so it is art. Two ways to attack this: 1) what if it was Rembrandt drawing two stick figures, just a few lines thrown down, with a verifiable signature? Still art then? 2)  Let’s say it isn’t, but an honest to God painting. But since no one has seen it except Rembrandt, how can we know if it’s any good? How can we appreciate it as art until it can be discussed? Since it’s hidden away and basically unknown, it’s might as well be a collection of oil paint and canvas.

As to how I got to this point, it started with GLaDOS and Josh’s art appreciation class (that was an interesting argument there, not that Josh cared; he just wanted an A.)

When dealing with a disaster, always have a plan

Posted in Fuck this shit, Truth with tags on June 21, 2011 by brenatevi

I just finished The Hot Gate by John Ringo, the “final” book of the Troy Rising series. And I finished the book before that, Citadel, about 6 hours ago, give or take. They are military scifi, so if you like that sort of thing, needless to say that I wholeheartedly recommend them. But the point that is driven home by those books is that shit happens all the time, that disaster is frequently just a heartbeat away, and you never know it (frequently in this case meaning “when compared to the life span of the universe, pretty much guaranteed.”)

As you can tell by my previous entry, disaster took me this past weekend, and while intellectually I understood what was going to happen, and even expected it (which is pretty sad, given the circumstances), there was an emotional aspect that took me completely by surprise. The disaster unleashed some hellacious thoughts (and I mean that in every sense of the word) that rocked me like an emotional IED. I’m still not sure of all of the fallout from it, as there were things uncovered about myself that I had known about, but hadn’t truly understood. People always think they understand what the aftermath of an explosion is like, but until you are standing in the rubble and body parts, you truly don’t, and can’t. (There is a political statement in there somewhere, but I’m running on exhausted…)

But I have always have had a way, a plan, of dealing with immense pain: 1) Swallow it until I can deal with it (I did my best this time, but I was hurting so bad, that I couldn’t swallow it all) 2) Cry when I’m out of the public, and almost always as quietly as possible, 3) If the damage is bad enough, repeat the above two until… 3) I can get my hands on a good book or three (The real reason I keep a library of books? Because I never know when I’ll need to use some words as ablative armor… or better yet, damage control.) Thankfully, there has been a change in habit over the past five years, so I would do the above three until I could 4) find someone I really trust to talk to about what happened, as many times as it takes to get my head on straight again. And the people I trust with the damage in my head is very, very few. Sorry everyone else, but it seems when I try to confide in other people, instead of helping, you all become a extra-large pain in my fucking ass. Why is that? Because you keep prying at my carefully sealed layer of privacy.

In the end, I am a mostly self-contained person. I have lived on my own, with little need for other people, for so long, that quite honestly you could throw me in solitary with nothing but a bunch of books and some pen and paper, I would be content. Not necessarily happy, but I would survive. Which is probably why one of my safety blankets is any book in my current library (thank GOD for e-books… now if I feel the need for any particular book, I can go and download it directly into my outside mind (meaning, my Android) and I am good to go. So fuck you all very much, I’m going to read until I’m exhausted.)

And so I am exhausted, and hoping that I can get at least 9 hours sleep, but the more the better. And tomorrow I get to turn to one of the few people I trust to help and not hinder, and see if she can help me pick through this bloody mess that is my mind. Because while I might be relatively fine now, I know from thirty-five years of experience that it is only a calm before another storm.

Getting SnowCrashed

Posted in My obsessions, Truth with tags on March 6, 2011 by brenatevi

I should be working on homework right now, but I still have 8 1/2 hours to get it done, and even with breaks, I should have plenty of time to finish. I think I’m starting to understand what I’m doing. At least with programming I can easily see if I got it right or not, because the program works or it doesn’t. Now, if the lab (in addition to the homework) had been due today as originally scheduled, I would be freaking, but it isn’t, so I’m not.

But any ways, I’ve been reading SnowCrash by Neal Stephenson (I’d say he’s in the top 5 of my favorite authors list, easily.) It’s about mind viruses and the construction of languages, among other things. The funny part about reading this is that I’ve contracted a mind virus from reading it; there’s a particular section that keeps popping into my head even though I really, really don’t want to think about it right now. I would rather be doing homework right now. The funniest part is that it took me two hours of fighting off the thought to realize that I was infected. I lol’ed once I understood what was happening.

There are other thoughts and ideas that have been percolating as I’ve read SnowCrash, but right now I need to get over this virus and finish my damned homework.

The last straw – again & “I can’t believe”

Posted in Truth with tags , on March 5, 2011 by brenatevi

I went to days, happy times, right? Right?! My upstairs asshole neighbor had the subwoofer on at 3am in the fucking morning (just wanted to redundant that properly) last night and Thursday night, and is particularly obnoxious tonight. Thank God I decided to hold off on homework tonight, and pound it out tomorrow or I’d be really pissed. Tomorrow or Monday (depending on how the Lab and HW goes) me and the front office are going to talk. The funny thing about this fuck up is that I keep finding new reserves of patience from somewhere. If we could mine wherever that patience comes from, we’d fix the “energy crisis.”

But anyways, I was watching X-Files today while at work, trying not to fall asleep (decided I needed vacation this week so somehow have got to work that out…) and realized that the show wouldn’t work in today’s world. In particular, there was a scene where Mulder was spying on some Japanese transporting an alien, and my first thought was “Dude, use your cameraphone.” This was 1995(1996?) so no cameraphones. Beyond that, does anyone really thing that in this Wikileaking-world that aliens would really stay secret? There was a scene where soldiers massacred some human-alien hybrids, and I thought, “One of those soldiers would give up the secret eventually.” It’s too big of story. That isn’t to say that it isn’t possible, but I’ve become skeptical in the past few years, and until someone gives me some hard proof, so not believing in it.

Asimov laid seeds of my cynicism

Posted in My obsessions, Truth with tags , on February 3, 2011 by brenatevi

I started to read the Foundation series again, and there have been many lines that I have unknowingly echoed over the years (mainly the predictability of the masses when it comes to historical events) and I was watch the crisis happen in Egypt, I can only nod at how accurate he and I as his unknowing acolyte have been. Granted, I might be rong, that the people of Egypt might choose the sane route, but people are people… They will believe in the lies of a few, hopeful even in the face of hatred. But people like to blame others for their own misfortune, especially if they are a high profile target, standing out from the crowd. Just ask the Jews.

But even with this potentially soul crushing outlook on life, I have hope, even if it’s in a back handed sort of way. Or as Marcus from Babylon 5 said, “I take comfort in the unfairness of life, because think what if we deserved all of the terrible things that happen to us.”