My dating profile

I’ve decided to get serious about the online dating thing. To prove it, here’s the profile I’m going to use (subject to change depending on suggestions.)

Congratulations! By showing interest in a domesticated Jeremy, you have demonstrated that you are a woman of particular tastes. Before you make a decision to bring this “magnificent”* creature into your home, you need know the following things so that you can make an informed and responsible decision.

1) The Domesticated Jeremy is primarily a nocturnal creature, inhabiting that odd place called the “Third Shift.” While he can function during the day, depending  on the time you wake him, he’ll probably be muttering “Mornings happen to other people.”

2) Jeremy will try to eat everything at least once**, but is happiest with good Chinese food. If you try to give him bad Chinese food, he will become unpredictable. Lesson to be learned: Good Chinese food is great, bad chinese food is a crime.

3) Jeremy loves a good story, both telling and listening to them, but sometimes over long conversations will start to lose focus and start fiddling with his phone or tablet or whatever tech toy he can get his paws on. Don’t worry! He is still mostly paying attention, but needs something to keep him occupied.

With that knowledge in hand, now you can decide if a domesticated Jeremy is right for you.

*Your milage may vary.
**Some restrictions may apply.